When it comes to horse training, most riders focus on what they want to teach that day – the exercise, the skill, the “plan.”
But here’s the truth: your horse’s emotional state determines what kind of session you can have.
Whether you’re doing groundwork, schooling in the arena, getting ready for a trail ride, or working through behaviour challenges, the first few minutes reveal everything about your horse’s readiness to learn.
In connection-based training, trust isn’t something you do before the work.
Trust, emotional regulation, and attunement are the work.
Trust Creates the Conditions for Learning
At EquiKinder by Lisa Rothe, trust is not a soft, vague concept – it’s a behavioural pattern horses learn through experience:
- I listen before I lead.
- I notice their emotional thresholds.
- I guide them forward without pushing them past capacity.
- I remain consistent and congruent.
A horse that trusts you will try.
A horse that does not trust you will either freeze, flee, or shut down.
Trust is not built by avoiding challenges.
Trust is built by facing challenges together with fairness, clarity, and emotional safety.
Emotional Regulation Is the Gateway to Learning
A dysregulated horse cannot learn – even if the exercise is technically simple.
When a horse is:
- calling out,
- bracing,
- externally fixated,
- distracted,
- tight through the eyes or jaw,
- or rushing through movement,
they are not “being naughty.”
They are outside their learning window.
Your job as a leader is not to force stillness or push through.
Your job is to help them return to a state where thinking becomes available again.
Regulation is not the horse “being calm.”
Regulation is the horse feeling safe enough to process information.
The First Five Minutes Tell You Everything
Before you pick up a lead rope or swing a leg over, ask:
- Is my horse emotionally available?
- Are they in a learning frame of mind?
- Do I need to support them before asking for effort?
Those first moments shape the entire session.
If they begin anxious, distracted, or unsure, the work will be inconsistent.
If they begin connected, soft, and thinking, the session can be productive and progressive.
But here’s the key:
This assessment does not end after five minutes.
You may need to read, regulate, pause, and rebuild safety multiple times throughout the session.
This is normal.
It is good training.
It is ethical horsemanship.
How the OTTB Mare, Lola, Found Her Learning Frame
Last week, I worked with Lola, a sensitive mare who can be highly alert to changes in her environment.
A foal on the property was being weaned, and Lola was deeply unsettled – calling out, tense through her body, fixated on the paddock, and unable to tune in.
If I had ignored her emotional state and tried to “push through,” the session would have fallen apart.
She wasn’t resistant.
She was worried, and she was telling me exactly that.
So we spent almost 20 minutes doing nothing more than:
- returning to a familiar small-circle pattern,
- resetting with softness and repetition,
- offering stillness after each loop,
- and re-establishing her ability to check in with me.
Every time she called out or tightened, we went back to the pattern.
Every time she breathed or softened, we paused.
Slowly, her focus came back.
Her neck lowered.
Her eyes softened.
Her feet got quiet.
Only after she returned to emotional availability did we start the “real” session.
And the most important part?
Once she felt safe again, she learned beautifully – relaxed, responsive, and ready.
The training wasn’t successful despite spending 20 minutes regulating her.
The training was successful because of it.
The Work Is Not the Exercise – The Work Is the State of Mind
You cannot teach softness to a tight horse.
You cannot teach focus to a worried horse.
You cannot teach connection to a horse who is trying to manage their own safety.
The first five minutes and the moments you revisit regulation throughout the session determine everything that follows.
When you honour your horse’s emotional state and help them return to a learning frame, you build:
- trust,
- clarity,
- willingness,
- and a horse who genuinely wants to connect with you.
This is the heart of connection-based horsemanship.
Ready to build a calmer, more connected partnership?
If your training sessions feel unpredictable, your horse may be telling you something long before the exercise even starts.
Join a free meet-and-greet at the Mid North Coast (NSW) and learn how emotional regulation and trust-based leadership can transform the way your horse shows up for you.
EquiKinder by Lisa Rothe – Where Horsemanship Meets Personal Growth
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